Deven Davis died on August 17 at the age of 39. The former girl-on-girl porn star suffered with sobriety and substance abuse throughout her life.

Jonathan played the first show after Deven‘s death on September 12 at the first of KORN‘s three shows in celebration of the 20th anniversary of the band’s “Follow The Leader” album. During the gig, Davis broke down in tears at points throughout the set, including once as the band performed the song “4U”. Davis paused for several seconds before telling the crowd, “This is my wife’s favorite song. I’m sorry.”

Asked by Two Doods Reviews at this year’s Aftershock festival about the “really emotional moment” he had on stage a month earlier and whether performing live is therapeutic for him, Davis responded (see video below): “It’s what I do, man. It’s how I deal with things that go on in my life. Out here is my therapy — playing for people is my therapy.”

In a statement released via his social media channels shortly after his wife’s death, Jonathan called Deven “an amazing wife, amazing mother and amazing friend” who was suffering from “a very serious mental illness.”

After marrying Jonathan in 2004, Deven and the singer had two kids together, Pirate and Zeppelin.